Just When You're Feeling Good...

So – life is funny… especially when you’re running on just enough sleep and you’re torn in 4 different directions and you can’t remember one of 30 different cross references or account problems that you’re in the process of helping to sort out. When this all comes together in the perfect paradigm, then life exceeds funny and jumps to hilarious!

Take last week, for instance. I was running through some home accounts and then had to jump over to the airport to catch a flight. I hadn’t eaten for a while so I stopped at the Jamba Juice at the airport and got one of those fruit and granola smoothie things. It was this strawberry/banana smoothie that had peanut butter blended in and so it had a definite pb smell. I’m running through the airport holding the smoothie, I get to the gate and have a few minutes to chug the thing down and then they start calling boarding. I throw my empty cup away and grab my bag and get on the plane, taking my seat. I sit down and start to settle and I’m thinking that the strawberry pb smoothie must be on my hands as I smell the pb. Ok –admitted, first I’m thinking that someone sitting by me has taken on a little too much peanut butter and the smell is now coming out their pores. Then I start to think that perhaps it was me. Then I’m trying to get rid of any napkin I used while eating the thing. Then I settle into the flight just thinking its weird.

As we land, I bent down to put my things back into my bag and while I’m sitting back up, I notice, the whole front of me is covered in bright pink strawberry colored, peanut butter smelling smoothie. Aye! I went walking around the gate and onto the plane and went stinking up the whole plane looking like a person who can’t tell her mouth from her chest.

This week, my laughter came when I was going through airport security.
I had gotten ready and then mom came with me to the airport so she could drive my car back home. I pulled up to the very end of the terminal because it was pretty empty. I walked all the way from the car and the Lufthansa entrance to the end of the United terminal – quite a distance. I came into the security line and stood for quite a while as it was quite crowded. I put all my bags through and then I go to come through security. As I do so, the TSA officer looks at me and then murmurs something while looking straight ahead. I said “excuse me” and she says something again that, I took to be a compliment to my necklace or some other part of my outfit… of course, thinking that it could only be some form of admiration for my chic sense of style. She finally annunciated and I heard “you need to zip your pants up”….

Crash – reality hits hard and you can either turn red – or just laugh… I tend to laugh a lot lately…

And – if you’ve still got some time for another travel laugh – continue on, dear reader…

This is a story that I just repeated to my cousins last week after many years of hiding the truth – I now reveal the extent of my big-britches…

So – years back before the whole 9-11 thing happened and you could still walk your friend or loved one to their gate at the airport, I volunteered to bring my friend Valerie to Ohare for her Christmas flight. I dropped her off and then told her I’d see her again in 1 week when I picked her back up at the gate. It was a Saturday that I was supposed to pick her up and it was afternoon so I had time to get ready and sit around my place reading and then casually drive down to the airport. I got to the airport, parked and then started my trek in. Along the way, I couldn’t help but feel the eyes of many people on me. At first, I thought that it was in my head and then I began to notice that, indeed, people were looking at me. At that point, I started to think that perhaps I did look pretty good as I had quite a bit of time to get ready and my jeans were fitting extremely well and my makeup went on very smoothly. I began to get a little cocky walk as I strolled to the gate, smiling and nodding at those who passed. I looked good … it was a fact.

I got to Val’s gate and leaned on the wall by the gate, feeling good and smiling at everyone. All of a sudden a Hispanic janitor woman from the airport came up to me and started speaking in some untranslatable comments. I smiled and nodded thinking that yes, I did look good and my shirt was very cute… and she continued her comments even more frantically. I get it – I’m looking good… And finally she resorted to the universal communication of basic sign language pointing at her face and then at the bathroom that was behind us. All of a sudden, a little shudder of fear went down my spine and I bee-lined to the bathroom. As soon as I entered, I saw it…

Be careful when you get to feeling that you’re pretty smart or looking good or came up with a novel idea… its just when you’re feeling like you’re on top that that sense of humor that God has can come and hit you right back down where you belong….
I got into the bathroom and, apparently, the reading I had been doing before my trek to the airport consisted of some very dark, black ink which had now been transferred to the entirety of my face. I looked like a mime in reverse… yes, it was THAT bad…. It was like I had scrubbed my face with newspaper and then threw on some fingerprinting black powder to make sure that everything was covered.

I washed everything off my face and then meekly went back to F6 to wait for my friend. At least, I had a pretty good story to tell her once she came in.. and now I’m always careful when I think people are looking at me… I may have peanut butter on my shirt or black on my face or my pant zipper may be open… And even with all this learning, I still have my bouts where I forget and have to be reminded that I’m not that great after all:)